22May
We have wrestled with the willingness to forgive. We have attempted to distinguish lingering pain from a lack of forgiveness. Clarification between forgiveness and trust has been highlighted. Now, what about those experiences from which pain will not depart, and trust rejects all approaches? How do we forgive the hard cases?
In the early 90’s I read a book titled A Child Called It by Dave Pelzer. It was one of the most riveting and dark books I have experienced. It held me captive through the night. Pelzer relates the disturbing account of the abuse he suffered at the hands of his mother. Not too distant from my marathon read, I found Pelzer on television. Easily 27 years ago, I have forgotten the program and many of the nuances. When asked how to forgive such incomprehensible violation, my mind echoes the shadows of his thoughts. “You have to give up the hope that the past will ever be different.”
I have often quoted that line to those struggling to forgive a deep wound. The response is almost always the same, a puzzled look. Hopefully, to clarify, I offer, “Nothing can undo the pain of betrayal.” An in-depth survey of your attitude about the offense is a place to start. Almost unconsciously, we think that if we grudge enough, the past battery will lighten. It will not.
Forgiveness is slowly chiseled from the monolith of offense. In the pursuit of freedom, followers of Christ must boldly go to our Heavenly Father and sincerely express our dilemma. “I know I am to forgive. I am not sure I want to forgive. Honestly, I am struggling not to want to get even or at least see them suffer until they come crawling to me on bloody knees, begging my forgiveness. My mind knows that is wrong. I need your help to want to want to forgive truly.”
Many have found some version of that prayer to be an honest expression and a definite starting place. Forgiveness is the key to the shackles binding you to the pain.
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