19May
“Every time I think about that person, I get a knot in the pit of my stomach. Why can’t I forgive?” With slight variations, I have heard this question at least 100 times over the years. If anxiety arises when you see or think of a person, is that an indication that you have not forgiven?
First, we will have a quick biblical discussion on the importance of forgiveness. When Jesus was teaching us how to pray, he twice mentioned the importance of forgiveness and the consequences of not forgiving. “And forgive us our debts as we also have forgiven our debtors.” Two verses later, he circles back around and reemphasizes forgiveness, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matthew 6:12, 14-15 NIV) The verses speak for themselves.
Back to the original question. If the presence or thought of a person stimulates some sort of anxiety, anger, or repulsion, does that indicate that you have not forgiven them? Not necessarily so. It might indeed suggest that you are angry and have not forgiven. But a lack of forgiveness is not the only reason that produces discomfort when you think of someone.
Focused thought or physical proximity to someone who has emotionally or physically injured, you can quickly produce a negative response. Why? Because of the pain! You are viscerally responding to the memories of the painful experience associated with that person. The discomfort may signal that the wound inflicted upon you by the person, whom you may have genuinely forgiven, has not yet healed.
You may wonder, “If I have forgiven, then why is it so hard to overcome the injury?” One factor is that deep wounds can take a long time to release their grip on your mind. But there is another factor in the forgive and move on experience. I will discuss that tomorrow.
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