The Other Pandemic

24Apr
 
 
Yikes! Not another one!! This pandemic has been around for a long time. It has seriously infected percentage of the population of the US. It destroys families and friends. It limits growth and squelches enjoyment of all our regular interactions. What am I talking about? The pandemic of passive/aggressive communication.
 
As a pastoral counselor, my first formal and effective encounter with the symptoms was early in my 20’s. A lady described the difficulties she was experiencing with her husband. After she finished painting a dreary picture of a lonely marriage, I asked her, “What did your husband say when you talk to him about all of that?” She shrugged her shoulders. A bit puzzled, I asked this lady, “He just shrugs his shoulders?” Her response was an exasperated and emphatic, “Yes!”
 
I asked her if she would describe to me, as best as she could remember, exactly what she said and under what circumstances they had talked. I listened to the details and tried to carefully explain to her that he had simply shrugged his shoulders, because he had no idea what she had actually said. My native tongue is “male” and I’m fluent in “female” except for sometimes at home. What, when, and how she had spoken to her husband was classic passive/aggressive communication. Effectively, they were talking about two entirely different things.
 
Good news! This pandemic is completely treatable. I will offer the abbreviated “first aid” response here. (1) Pick a time and place with limited interruptions. (2) Commit to no defensive communication. The goal is to understand and be understood not justify and get even. (3) Carefully and clearly state how you feel and ask for what you want in a manner that is not an attack. (4) The listener should restate the feeling and request. Do so rewording as much as possible. Condemning, defending, and justifying will kill communication. You want to understand what they feel and want and be able to communicate that back. (5) Agree on steps, which quite possible will include a third party to aid in tense communication. (6) Swap roles and repeat with the asker becoming the listener.
 
 

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Posted by Ron Lawler

I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior when I was a teen. A friend had invited me to attend church to help out in a Sunday School attendance drive. At the end of the worship service I asked the Pastor how I could know for sure I would go to Heaven. He had someone show me from the Scriptures how to receive Christ and from that day to this, I have had an assurance of Christ as my Savior and Heaven as my eternal home.

Within a few weeks I sensed a building desire to enter into full time ministry. My church observed me and confirmed the call. Upon graduation from High School, I enrolled in Bible College and I have been in ministry ever since. I was ordained to the ministry by my home church in Texas in 1974. It has been my privilege to be Pastor of Preaching and Teaching at Family Bible since 2005.

Cheryl and I were married in 1973. God has blessed us with two children, Rachel and David, and four grandsons.

Favorite part of ministry? - Researching and discussing questions about the Bible.

Favorite verse? - "Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm.  Let nothing move you.  Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." 1 Corinthians 15:58

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