21Mar
Many of you have heard me reference the “RLV” (Ron Lawler Version of the Bible). Here is Proverbs 21:19 in today’s RLV: “It is better to live in harsh deprivation, than [implied: with ease and comfort] with bad family relationships.”
“Sheltering at home” is not the level of harshness that Solomon was thinking about in Pr. 21:19, but it is our challenge. Even in restriction, we can flourish, grow, and bless others…if we have good relationships with the rest of our family. The current real and somewhat restricted time at home needs to start with a relationship check. Is there floating resentment or unresolved conflict?
Now is the time to do something positive about the dysfunctional relationship elephant in the room. Step one, agree to sit down and talk in as much of a distraction-free element as you can find. Step two, articulate that which is bothering you in the manner that you would want it presented to you if you had done what you feel someone has done to you. Step three, do not be defensive. Meaningful communication is not about proving you, and your perception is right, it is about connecting and building trust by valuing one another.
The goal of this simple communication exercise is not about proving that you are right. It is not about seeing the other person feeling what they caused you to feel. The goal of this communication exercise is to restore and strengthen relations so that they are mutually beneficial.
It will not be unusual to find the interaction somewhat strained or awkward. Like getting in shape physically, we must exert an uncomfortable amount of effort and deal with some soreness to get fit.
As you talk, listen to the other and validate each other’s perception. Their perception of your attempts may be completely wrong, but their understanding is the reality with which they are dealing. A good response to being told that you have hurt of disappointed the other person is, “Wow! That had to hurt! I’m so sorry that I came across that way. All I can say is that it was not my intention, but it was your reality. Will you forgive me?”
Again, the goal is not to prove that you are right. The goal is to build a meaningful and mutually beneficial healthy relationship.
And finally, if the dysfunction that you are trying to resolve has been in the works for a long time, it will probably take a while before you both fall into low maintenance mutually enjoyable connection. “Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13)
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